HOPEFUL MUSINGS

HOPE'S FIRST BLOG

What do I say?

Baby, oh Baby!  What do you say on a day like today?

 

First of all, thank you Uncle Jheka, for the most thoughtful gift of a blog.  You've clearly figured out what speaks to my heart.

 

You'll  be born in less than 24 hours, if all goes according to plan.  It's hard to imagine what it will be like to see you and hold you and count your fingers and toes.  I've experienced some life changing things, for sure, but nothing as phenominal as this will be.

 

Your grandma is frantic because she's knitting you a blanket and she's not finished yet.  It's yellow and blue and it has animals on it, and the tails of the animals hang down loose, so that eventually, you'll probably yank them off anyway.  I didn't tell her that, but I did tell her that you wouldn't mind waiting a few days for such a masterpiece.  I happen to know that she took it to church with her last Sunday, and silenty worked on it under the cover of the pew in front of her.  That, my baby, is love.  You'll understand more as you get to know your grandma.

 

She thought she would have a few more days, but you have decided to come into this world upside down.  That's ok.  It's good to do things your own way.  And whatever they are, I've decided that you have your reasons.  This is why I didn't hold a bag of peas up near your head to try to make you turn down.  (You're welcome.)  What's nice about you being head up (which is exactly how I'd want to be carried around too, for the record) is that I can rub my belly in the spot that I know your head is in, right under my ribs cage on the right hand side, and when I do, or when your Dad does, you always stick your head out as far as you can, as if you're trying to get closer to that hand.  Like a cat who moves it's head around making sure you scratch just the right spot behind it's ears.  (And, more for the record, I've been known to do things like that too.)

 

We picked your birthday, tomorrow, because it's the day of the tree lighting in Rockefeller Center.  That might sound like a silly reason to have a birthday, but it's special.  Your uncles and I have attended the tree lighting almost every year since we were old enough to take the train alone and convince your grandma that they wouldn't lose me in the crowds.  That first year, they called home from a pay phone in Penn Station and asked if I had returned on my own, even though I was standing right there, covering my mouth to keep from laughing.  Those boys. 

 

Of course, you'll never do anything like that to your poor mother, right?

 

Anyway, it became a tradition of ours.  As we got older, it became less about the tree and more about us just spending time together.  Not that we don't spend more than enough time together, but it was an excuse to leave everyone else behind and have it be just us.  In 2001, a horrible thing happened to our country and our family, and your uncle Brian was taken from us.  We'll talk more about that later.  But that year, we didn't go.  We didn't even think about it.  To be honest, I don't even know for sure if there was a tree in Rockefeller Center that year.

 

The next year came around, and I didn't want to go, because I didn't think I could go on in a normal way without your uncle.  It didn't seem right, our pack of siblings, minus one.  It felt disrespectful and wrong in every way.  So again and again, I asked your uncles to call it off.  But still they made their plans, rearranged their work schedules so they had the night off, just like every other year, except for the last.  Then that afternoon they showed up at my house looking serious.  I kid you not, your uncle handcuffed me!  First I was handcuffed to him, one on his wrist, one on mine.   By the time he handcuffed me to the seat on the train, I was laughing.  At that point, I was given two choices - come with them to Rockefeller Center, or stay where I was and end up riding back and forth all night.  I pretended to think about it for the rest of the train ride, but they knew they had me.  And we went to the tree lighting, and then to our favorite Irish Pub, which you'll probably visit some day when you're thirty or so, and it was good.  On the way home, we sang Too-Ra-Loo-Ra-Loo-Ral, rather loudly, on the train in tribute to your uncle, and it's become a new tradition.  We haven't missed a year since.

 

Well, until now, that is.  Because you're about to be born!  If I learned anything in 2002 while being handcuffed to a train, it was that life must go on.  There's no more beautiful way to express that than by giving birth to your first child, who is so very cherished and yearned for and loved.

 

You don't forget, you can't possibly forget, but you do go on and live your life in a way that would make him proud.  There's an Irish prayer that ends like this:

Perhaps my time seemed all too brief-
Don't shorten yours with undue grief
Be not burdened with tears of sorrow
Enjoy the sunshine of the morrow.

 

And if your uncle Brian were here, Baby, he would be so over the moon filled with pride and excitement for your arrival.  And while he's not here, he will be watching and keeping you safe on your journey to this world outside the womb.  This I know in my heart.

 

So what your way too long-winded mom is trying to say, is that THAT is why we picked tomorrow for your birthday.

 

You know, there's so much to say.  But we have our entire lives to catch up.  So I'll just say this - Your mom and your dad absolutely cannot wait to meet you.  And, let's sleep well tonight, yes?

 

May God give you-
For every storm, a rainbow,
For every tear, a smile,
For every care, a promise,
And a blessing in each trial.
For every problem life sends,
A faithful friend to share,
For every sigh, a sweet song,
And an answer for each prayer.

posted by: AmericanGirl at 19:22 | link | comments (12) |

Welcome To The American Baby Blog

American Baby will be arriving in a hospital near you (if you're near New York) in just seven days.  AB will probably start blogging on the crib-PC soon thereafter.  In the meanwhile, you can leave messages for AB here.

posted by: Jheka at 19:32 | link | comments (9) |

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